Eerie Emma.

My five year old daughter loves scary movies and creepy shows. I mean she is only five! She can litcherally watch an episode of goosebumps and fall asleep. Meanwhile, my nine year old son covers all the vents in his room because he watched “IT” last Halloween with my not so brilliant husband. 🙄

Last Halloween we took a trip to the Halloween store as we always do to pick out our Halloween costumes. This is obviously one of my five years olds favorite places to go because everything is creepy including all the employees. We are looking around and she finds this doll. She loves it and has to have it. It is basically a dead zombie baby. I immediately say, no way. I’ve seen Annabelle, I know how this all plays out. Now she’s crying, “I love her, I’ll keep her in my closet, blah blah blah.” First of all, I am not buying a doll that you’re too scared of that you have to keep in your closet, mostly because I know that “her closet” means, “my closet.” I do not want that dead zombie baby in my closet.

We leave with costumes and she cries the whole way home. I stupidly promise her I’ll get it for her next year. Guess what, it’s fucking next year and she didn’t forget! We drive to the beach yesterday and pass the Halloween store which is obviously already open because it’s August. (Insert eye roll) Of course she spots it, I mean why wouldn’t she, she never looks out of the window but today, she’s not missing a thing. All day at the beach, all she talked about, this damn dead baby zombie doll. She asks me if I can, “search it up.” A term my nine year old has passed down to her, meaning can I google it and show her pictures. I hesitantly say ok. I look up the doll on the Halloween store website. Bad idea.

She is now blocking my sun and casting a shadow on my almost perfect beach day. Well it was already just an almost perfect beach day because of the spotted lantern fly invasion. I mean holy shit, litcherally everywhere. In the ocean, all over the beach, on everyone’s beach chairs, on my persons! I’m still not over it. All day just slinging sandals and slaying lanterns. It was like Evony at the beach and I ran about 100 rallies. That alone should have gotten me my wings. And I’ve officially lost it. Anyway moving along. I pull up the pictures and there was maybe three or four. And then……. A quick little video.

The creepy dead baby zombie doll was all like, “you can put me in your closet, or under your bed, or you can just keep your eyes closed.” Or some shit like that I’m not exactly sure but it was in the creepiest little girl voice. My daughter looked at me and was like, “maybe I don’t need that doll.” I was like, “awwwww, you sure?” “We can go get it today!” Now I’m litcherally just calling her bluff because she has annoyed me for so long about it but I can tell by the sheer look of terror on her face she never wants this doll in her bed. She said, “no I think it likes to live at the store.” Thank you google!

Last night she mentions it before bed. I was like, we don’t need to get the doll dont worry, go to bed. Love you. She falls asleep. I go to bed and I’m so happy sleeping, I’m in my own bed, everyone’s in their beds, all is right in the world. (Well besides family feud blasting in the background 😩) As soon as I fall asleep and start to dream I’m awaken by someone poking me, like I died and they are just checking to make sure I’m actually dead. It’s my nine year old son. Guess what, he can’t go to sleep, he’s toooooooo scared, of what you ask??? The fucking creepy dead baby zombie doll from google. I send him back to bed. He comes in about 10 more times. Each time after I had just drifted off to sleep. Again, with the poking. The damn doll thing. Finally he falls asleep. Now it’s 3am. My daughter comes in, she’s scared. Guess why!!! The dead baby zombie, now I’m out of my bed and in hers. Now it’s 5am. I wake up and head back to my own bed, guess who is up????? My middle! Just reading a book! 😩😩😩 follows me to my bed and gets in. Now my husband comes out of the shower as his usual chipper self. (Sarcasm) I’m pretending to sleep. He’s commenting on how I’m only ever sleeping in our bed when he’s not. I think of maybe telling him how awful my night was, although I never sleep fully through the night because at least one of my kids always wakes me up, but I don’t. I don’t think one of our three kids has ever kept him up all night.. The difference between moms and dads is one for the books. I ignore him and bite my tongue. (Which if you know me, is an impossible feat.)

This morning my wonderful kids who always sleep in, woke up at 7am. 7am!!! They don’t even wake up that early for actual school. I have to drag them from their comfy beds by their adorable little toes. They are all fighting by 7:23am. All super cranky from being up late and dreaming of dead baby doll zombies. I’m not sure how I’ll survive today but I’ll do it! Maybe a family nap mid day? Maybe we go buy the dead baby zombie doll and throw it in the fire-pit? I don’t know but I’m thinking maybe it’s better to order all the Halloween costumes online this year because mama needs sleep and my children do too!