This is 40ish

Johnny Hancock

Went home today today sign my life away. Litcherally. I had to go sign my Living Will. You can never be too sure so better safe than sorry. Anyway more on that in a bit. When I’m driving on my old country roads that I learned to drive my car on, I can’t help but feel complete nostalgia. I know every road and backroad, every turn. It’s like riding a bike, it’s just fits. So many memories. The air smells sweeter and things are just a bit more like home than anywhere else.

As I drive by places, I have flashes of a memory or two and it’s the sweetest. I mean good or bad memory. It’s still a part of what made you into the person you are today. Seeing all the places that moved or closed. New places that are in place of some of your old favorite hangouts. I don’t drive home often but I probably should. Small town vibes that expands 3 towns in every direction. I can’t go to a single town around where I grew up without seeing at least 3 to 4 people and giving them hugs. I genuinely miss them. Whoever they are. The attorney who drew up the will, his son, was best friends with a guy I went to prom with from a different town. Everyone knows everyone and no one has anything bad to say. We all just simply existed together at one time, and now we exist living our lives parallel until we aren’t anymore. It’s a beautiful thing.

It’s nice to be able to connect with old friends. If you can’t call an old friend and have lunch together when you come home, are you even friends? I mean given both parties are available and no excuses are made. Life is very short. Hence, the Living Will. Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed to anyone. Don’t be the person who doesn’t extend the olive branch to a friendly lunch with an old friend because you’re too busy, or can’t get out of your comfort zone. At one point you were a close friend and an important piece of someone’s story, now you’re just a stranger with all their secrets.

I visited my mother and my mother in law and wish I was able to enjoy that type of interaction on a weekly basis. Even if I can’t eat any food, what’s better than them both asking me if I’m hungry 10x each in a 2 hour visit. The love that flows is unmatched. Pretty sure after today I will make more time for them both and also for the people who make me a priority when I come home to visit. Call your mom and visit your hometown, smell the cut grass, and take in the scenery whatever it may be, it helped shape you, and you are fantastic. ❤️

For the birds

I love love love staying up late during the week. I’m talking like 1030 and I’m sober. Weekends I need to be in bed by 1130/12 or I’ll litcherally turn into a pumpkin. During the week at night though the house is so quiet and clean. All the kids are sleeping and they look so adorable, I could watch them sleep and dream forever but I don’t want to wake them because did I mention how quiet it is?

I like to sit in my chair by the window and get lost in my thoughts. I reflect on my day or think about what’s on my schedule for tomorrow. I pick up a book or anything to keep my mind from daydreaming too far. I encourage everyone to stay up after you put your kids to bed. Not for a glass of wine or to watch tv, but just for some alone time with yourself. Maybe a cup of decaffeinated green tea perhaps? Being alone with my thoughts and a comfy blanket is like a big warm hug.

I’m starving.

I’ve been super boring lately. Only eating clean and minimally drinking any cosmos or wine. Im so boring even I don’t wanna hang out with myself. Im litcherally the most boring person on the planet. Can’t go out for lunch, can’t go out for dinner….. there goes Thursday drinks, Friday night drinks, Saturday night drink, Sunday day drinks. I mean I’m beginning to question whether or not this is actually doable.

How do super fit people not socially interact without dairy, carbs, sugar, and alcohol. Im dying to know. I mean don’t get me wrong, I feel great. My husband tells me how good I look everytime he walks past me. It’s great. But he also tells me how lame I am. My kids got me chocolate covered strawberries for Mother’s Day and I couldn’t even eat them. After so much work at the gym and disciplined eating clean I can’t ruin it with chocolate! Or cheese! I mean I live for a cheese plate, but now it’s a distant memory.

Let me tell you how I really feel, I need to hide in a closet and have a cosmo and a jar of fig jam and truffled goat goat cheese. I got this though. I’m feeling stronger and will definitely stick with it. But just know, if you don’t go into this life change with a friend that’s also participating you’re going to feel very alone. It will be just you and your hard boiled eggs that no one wants to hear about. No one wants to hear about you being sore or how you crushed toes to bar, and definitely not that you’re hungry. They all just want you to stfu have a drink and eat a cookie.

I shall go back to my life of late night Green Tea and homework. I can eat clean for life but eventually my party girl ways can only stay locked up for a matter of time. How long that will be no one can be sure of. 🎉💪🏻

The Chase.

Same Moon.

oh happy Wednesday!

So generally Wednesday doesn’t usually speak to me per se, but today, I hear you Wednesday, loud and clear. I’m sure many stay at home moms can relate to this post, or even just married couples who have been encroached since the beginning of 2020. 2020 ruined all alone to time there was to be had, even the smallest amount we all get on a daily basis. Which if you are a stay at home mom with kids too little to go to school you know that even bathroom time is storytime, tantrum time, staring contest time, you fill in your blank. It’s anything other than private or alone time.

Not only did my elementary kids get to stay home and do “school” but my husband who generally works in NYC from 6am-7pm also went remote like the rest of the world. Don’t get me wrong, the first 6-9 months were actually great. Everyday was a snow day basically, total shit show. My kids running around, trying to get them to sit at their little desks all day to do kindergarten and first grade. Was awesome. Everyone around the world rationing food while my family I feel like never stopped eating. I mean between the kids and my husband, I had to gear up in latex gloves and facemasks to head to the food store and risk my life twice a week. This was just to keep up with having my pantry stocked normally. Forget toilet paper, I needed to find goldfish, graham crackers, and reduced fat wheat thins for those monsters. I mean I would stand on line just to get into Whole Foods, legit bouncer at the door. Sometimes he wouldn’t even let me in because I wasn’t old enough. I guess early mornings were for seniors and I didnt get the memo. Whole Foods had turned into a club overnight and you had to be 65 or older to get in before 9am.

Anyway fast forward to today. I thought things were getting a bit back to normal last October but, no. I mean kids are back at school and the house stays a little bit cleaner each day. I still have my 4 year old who, I think my mother pays to drive me nuts as her sweet revenge that she told me she would get when I had my own children. Oh, and then there is my husband who works in his office in the basement. He comes upstairs about 1,000 times a day. In his defense, who wants to be in the basement all day? I get it, not me, not enough natural light for a girl like me. So he comes upstairs and asks me a lot of questions. When is the guy coming to look at the stove? Why did you spend $300 at Hobby Lobby? We should get the grout cleaned? Have you seen my favorite sweatshirt, I haven’t seen it since 2019? All fine questions, just not questions I used to have to answer before 7pm. When I was alone. Cleaning. In peace.

So yes back to today, today is the first day my loving husband is in the office since November. My morning is full of no adult questions. Just headphones on dancing around the house and cleaning in my PJs. Feels just like the old days. Kindof. You know they say absence makes the heart grow fonder. I’ll keep you posted on that. Also, Wednesday means almost thursday, and almost thursday means a Cosmopolitan tomorrow in a stemless wine glass with a lime wedge and ice. Even if I still can’t taste or smell from covid in December. I just wish the last thing that I was able to smell or taste wasn’t these delicious cookies I baked with Kate to spread Christmas cheer. We put a lot of love into them. We even made them twice because we just couldn’t nail it the first time. I do NOT bake, only for special occasions or to be generous, not because I can’t -but because there are way to many rules in baking. I’m not a rule follower really. Curse you Pfeffernüsse Cookies.

Happy Wednesday!

MMC.

xo.

SMH. Should’ve been truffled goat cheese and fig jam. Just incase you want the recipe https://www.ifyougiveablondeakitchen.com/pfeffernusse-cookies/

Sunset Chasing…

I feel like as I get older I just keep getting weirder. Maybe just more in touch with the world? Or possibly just slowing down and looking around at nature and admiring all things beautiful. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always appreciated a good sunset. It’s just different now. I “litcherally” crave an amazing sunset, like one of those storm chasers on the weather channel. My poor kids, on the way to and from sports are holding the “oh shit” handles in my car as I try to get to the spots that I know I can snag a good picture and watch her with the kids (staring at me like I’m a crazy person) cast her golden glow onto the world until the next morning when she wakes up.

Is there anything more gorgeous than the light that comes off of a sunset? When it’s almost dark out and the only light is the tiny rays from the last of the sun from that day. On the snow, or on the ocean, on someone’s face, or even over a beautiful farm. It’s doesn’t matter, anything the light touches becomes the story. Natural light is such a gorgeous thing. It’s breathtaking, and the best part is that every sunset is completely different.

Almost like my second love, the moon, except the moon is more mysterious and taunts me. For now I’ll turn my face to the light, and when I look at the sunset, I’ll try to forget the moon, even if it’s just for a second.

MMC

xo.