I love the beach. The sand is so soft and warm. Yes, ok sometimes it’s terribly hot in late July and August and it feels like you are walking on hot coals as part of a weird contest or initiation, but….. details. Anyway, it parts and falls perfectly around your bare feet when you walk almost like a perfect piece of art. Or like you’re walking on a cloud maybe! The ocean roars in the background. Her waves fold perfectly and then crash onto the beach and once in awhile carry in some beautiful meshells. The salty air, sunkissed skin, smell of sunblock, I mean need I even go on?
Now I’ve actually never spent the day at beach where if I turned around I could see the boardwalk. Why you ask, because I fucking hate the boardwalk. Also, I would rather smell the salty air than french fries or weed for that matter. If posed with the question would you rather go to boardwalk or drink blood, (which I’m not sure why this would even be an option) but I’d have to think about it. As a teen and through my young twenties, my parents had a beach house in a hopping south jersey town that had a huge boardwalk. I would waitress and stay there in the summers. Everyone went to the boardwalk, and I ALMOST liked it back then.
I mean, I was never into drugs or drinking and basically that’s what they were going there for. To get fucked up and walk around. However, they also wanted to go to pick up hot guys, and that I was game for. As you get older though you realize the guys you want to meet are not hanging out on the boardwalk! The cheesy stores with hermit crabs, and lifeguard sweatshirts, and loud club music with annoying sales people that look like kidnappers. The food. How much food can people eat? Cheesesteaks, fried Oreos, Sausage and peppers, churros, pizza the size of a small child. Cheese fries, zeppoles, and my least favorite, FUNNEL CAKE. No shit, today I was presented with a coupon that stated, “buy 6 zeppole’s and get 3 free!” Who the fuck eats 9 zeppole’s?!!!????
How have I never seen someone actually just die of a heart attack from clogged arteries on the boardwalk. After all these “happy” humans eat this awful food then they proceed to litter it all over the very boardwalk they claim to love and eat on. All this garbage eventually ends up on my precious beach. Not the food though, the seagulls claim whatever is left of that. Which by the way, have you seen a seagull at the jersey shore lately?! They are not even of bird size anymore. I saw a seagull that was bigger than my friends puppy the other day. I could’ve put it on a leash and walked it down the road and no one would’ve noticed. People are going to start riding them like dragons soon.
The games too. How do you shoot a round basketball in to an oval hoop?! You don’t… Unfortunately my children love the boardwalk. I took them today because they were off of school and I’m a good mom. No one got stolen or ate anything fried. They went on a bunch of cheesy rides and I spent $75 at the arcade so they could walk away with terrible stuffed animals from the claw machine where you can only win on the, “play to win,” ones that cost $5. Oh, and we also won a monster bag of sour patch kids. They had a great time, and for that I’m grateful. Other than that, fuck the boardwalk and all it has to offer. Here’s to the winter for a minute. ❤️✌🏻
This is 40ish 