Over it

#summertime

Ok so I was feeling the kids I guess when I wrote my last blog post but day 3 into summer vacation has me un-obsessed. I swear, these little evil creatures are trying to turn me into an alcoholic and sabotage my clean eating. My middle eats 94 snacks a day. Everytime I turn around. “Can I have a snack???? I‘m starving!” She litcherally has ZERO clue what it even feels like to be starving! My oldest is always kissing my ass in the hopes I’ll let him get lost in his iPad for the entire back half of the day. Or take him to Barnes and Noble so he (I) can buy a book and he can read it in 1 hour. My youngest just whines allllllllll day. She would really just rather no one else was home besides the two of us. (I slightly agree)

By 1:30pm I’m debating a cocktail and some “foofy” grub. Yesterday I think they may have asked me in total about 350 questions. Then my husband came home and proceeded to ask me another 150 super annoying questions. Why doesn’t anyone ask me fun questions??? Like, “why does your hair look so perfect today?” Or, “how come the house is always so clean?” Instead of, “did sprinklers go on today?” “Is it garbage day?” “Why didn’t the contractor show up again?” I just got back from a weekend alone trip to see my brother and I was feeling like I really missed everyone. Maybe I need to make it a regular bi-monthly thing. Moms need alone time. Fact.

Ok fine so what I’m at the beach club today, sounds fancy, and is a little bit. Although I didn’t realize because it is 20 mins from my house I didn’t think I’d see anyone I know really. I also don’t really know too many people because we just moved here 2 years ago. (I’m more than ok with not knowing a ton of people) Fast forward I’ve already run into two terrible ladies I have crossed paths with through my sons club soccer and these asshole kids that were on the school bus with my kids. 🙄 Being at the beach most times is the opposite of relaxing. I haven’t read a single page of the book in my bag. I have sand in my mouth from my own kids and their little sandy hands so close to my face. And. They keep asking me for more snacks. Not to mention my youngest is on a mission to possibly get caught in a rip current, so I’m also a full time lifeguard today.

I’m so blessed. 🙌🏻❤️ here’s to 60 more days of making sandy memories with these adorable creatures.

golden hour

You’re 13 or 14, the sun is setting and it’s casting its magical last bit of life onto something so cliché. They call it the “golden hour” in the photography world I think? Not to be confused with a “golden shower,” that’s totally different… You are rolling with you’re favorite crew. Or actually I think maybe they call it their squad. Who the fuck knows, I’m not a teenager and barely know any, so I’m hardly cool. Anyway, you’re walking with such confidence, until you see the one person who can make your face turn a light shade of red with just one single glance. Your expectations are low, maybe a smile, or a “hey what’s up?” You’re friends immediately tell you how hot he is, but how he is such an asshole. They only tell you that because they like him too. Bitches. Welcome to the carnival. Not in a metaphorical kind of way. Like actually, welcome to the local carnival that takes place in a small town center or your local catholic church parking lot.

The lights, the rides, the smellllll of cotton candy. I can see it all go down with my eyes closed. What a great childhood memory to make or to have already. My parents would never in 5,000 years let me walk around a carnival unsupervised in my teen years, so there was no making out on the Ferris wheel or kisses in the fun house. (Boring) But as a mom and adult, I litcherally photo bombed about 10 to 15 teens taking 900 selfies with their friends. Photo bombing was much cooler when I was younger. Unfortunately now when you photo bomb, the people taking the selfie know right away that you’re being an asshole. Back then, they had no clue for like 2 weeks or maybe even years later until they took the pictures to get developed.

I was on line at some “sugar shack” type place to get my littlest an ice cream cone while my big kids were waiting on a line that was about a mile long with their friends for some swing ride that was super high and only lasted about 20 seconds. Anyway, the girl working the sugar shack had zero sense of urgency and instead of helping the people waiting on her line that was probably 25 maybe 30 people deep and she was getting a lemonade for some dude and passing it out the back door. Well it wasn’t just a lemonade, it was also an Ice cream cone, and then a churro! The only thing she didn’t give him for free was a pretzel and that’s because they were sold out. I’m sure she would’ve given him a side of vagina if the line wasn’t so long. He’ll be back 🤮

So my favorite part of the carnival is actually the games! I love games and I mostly love winning. I don’t care that I’m basically crushing teens and a couple rando dads pretending they aren’t drinking beer in yeti mugs. I mean, cmon can’t you wait until you get home to have a beer?? The frog hammer one or ring toss game are a bit of a tie in my favorite category. There is also not much better than beating a whole line up of kids at the water gun race game. I always give the prize away to my kids and they think I’m the coolest mom on earth for like 30 mins until they forget. It’s a great way to kick off summer and it’s fun for everyone. Unless you hate rides and carnivals and people. Which I don’t. ❤️ Go to the carnival and wear exactly what you wore when you were a teenager. It’s back in style and you’ll definitely blend in. Eh, maybe not. Everyone litcherally looks like a cast member from stranger things. Actually you almost feel like you could possibly be in the upside down. Or maybe we are…. Wa ha ha ha. (Evil laugh)

If you’re not moving forward you’re just standing still..🤡

Almost

Ok, I swear, no more eating healthy, not drinking cocktails, or working out post. It’s not a super crowd pleaser. For some reason no one besides everyone that goes to my gym wants to hear about it…. Anddddd people hate when I dont drink. I must be incredibly boring sober. LOL. Let’s talk about a more pressing issue. Summer vacation. I kept all the kids home today because it was my littlest last day of prek. (So sad) in my mind I pictured us all sleeping in since I litcherally wrestle them out of bed at 720 every morning to get ready for school, I pictured us all snuggling, and the kids watching their favorite Netflix show while I whip up their favorite breakfast of pillsbury cinnamon rolls. I then imagined we would roll to the beach club immediately after the prek grad water balloon toss.

Scratch all of that. Kids were up before me. As soon as they laid eyes on me the first thing out of their mouths was not good morning! Or mommy! Or even hi! It was, “we’re hungry….” Moms have zero seconds between opening their eyes and springing into action. If you aren’t a mom and wake up and no one expects anything from you before you pee, fuck you. So I make my incredibly adorable children breakfast and then I look for some coffee. I always prep it and set the timer the night before for my so appreciative husband. (Being sarcastic) It’s 9 out of 10 times cold by the time I get to it. Which is sort of sad since it’s my favorite thing in the world.

After I warm up my coffee 16x before I give up and dump it in the sink. I bring the littlest to her last day of pre k and then head to the gym with my middle. My oldest who mostly refers to me as “bruh,” stays home to watch Netflix and chill. (Eye roll) Ok fine anyway fast forward a couple hours to coffee coolatas that went to waste, Barnes and noble trip, and no beach club. Oh, anddddd a massive headache given to me as a group effort.

Next Thursday is the last day of school. After that everyday will probably look pretty similar to today. Minus the no beach thing. We will definitely be going to the beach because I think it will be my only place of sanity and also if they are at the beach all day, they can’t destroy my house. Which makes me happy. Oh and let me just end this post with, I’m so blessed, so no one gets all angry.

I don’t even have a teenager yet and this is true. But. He’s still adorable even when he calls me “bruh” by accident. ❤️❤️💁🏼‍♀️❤️❤️

Is it worth it?

So much working out. Training, eating clean. Pretty crazy how this simple things change your whole mind set. I mean, I litcherally txt a picture of the food board to my a trainer friend from a concert this weekend to ask what was the healthiest dinner option. And for anyone that is wondering what that could possibly be, it was the steak tacos on corn tortillas. From the clean eating to the barely drinking. I’ve become the DD. Couple months ago I was “party girl.” Litcherally my neighbor across the street, “hi party girl!” Every single time she sees me.

I feel stronger, and super focused. Not on being skinny or super jacked up. Just being the best version of me. That sounds so gay. But it’s the only way to really describe it. I’m obsessed with waking up not hungover and motivated to head to my trainer. I actually don’t even dread it anymore. I may have developed a weird relationship with food through cleanses and fasting, but I think I’m ok with it. My favorite foods are now a treat.

I can’t imagine stepping back into my old grazing habits or half assed workouts. My body is getting stronger everyday and I won’t let summer BBQ’s with cocktails throw me off track. I’ll continue to be date night DD and enjoy a cocktail once a week or whenever I feel like it. Its easy to feel peer pressured or told YOLO, but at the end of the day, I’m 40ish. I make my own rules. Everyone needs to do what’s best for them, and right now, I fucking rock.

#numerouno

Maverick

Stop. I never thought it was possible. He’s short, probably has little hands which has always kindof freaked me out. I have pretty decent hands for a girl, my dad can bend a nickel, with his hands….I just rolled my eyes in disbelief. Not about my dad but about the fact I’m in complete Awe. I don’t know how it even happened to be honest with you. I’m litcherally in love with another man. He’s just so fast, and doesn’t ask questions. That smile, I mean cmon. The motorcycle with THAT leather jacket. #sigh. Tom Cruise is a fox.

The football beach scene is now forever imbedded in my memory. I mean, my gosh, does he age? Maybe I just think old dudes are hot now. I don’t know. I walked away from that movie tonight thinking Katie Holmes is a moron. I mean holy shit who cares what he’s into as long as it’s me.

So long story short go see Maverick. It’s nostalgic and Tom Cruise hasn’t aged a day since the first movie. Oh and then go buy a motorcycle and a leather jacket and go like 90mph on the way home from the theatre..

xoxo

Rabbit hole

I stupidly asked one of my gaming friends about this game he was playing the last time I saw him. He seemed to be really into it and I feel like we have similar personalities, you know-him being an Aquarius and all, and the fact we can talk for hours. It also seemed up my alley in the type of games I usually play. Anyway, after he told me what he could about it, I downloaded it and have been playing it when I have downtime. (Which is clearly everyday between 2-345pm ish) It’s a pretty cool game, I mean I’m super new to it so I’m still learning, but let me just throw it out there that all my mom friends are going to think I’m the biggest loser if they witness me playing this game over the summer on the beach. Don’t get me wrong, I could careless. But, I’m just saying.

Video games are super fun to play after your day is just quieting down and you find yourself looking for something to do. Or in the morning before the gym or training sesh, when having some coffee or tea perhaps in lieu of reading the news. I am not a TV girl, like maybe on the weekends I’ll watch a movie or a series show with my husband. That is the extent. I’d rather immerse myself and use my brain in some type of strategy game. My husband is like anti video games, he will play golf or football on his phone but it’s like pointless. He hates the kids to play video games. I disagree clearly. TV is just simply staring at a screen, video games at least challenges the kids to try to work together playing with their siblings and discussing a strategy. Teaching the kids to deal with wins and defeat. Obviously this is after homework is done and when they get back from the 19,000 sports they play. No exaggeration, I usually drive the kids around for hours after school from activity to activity.

I grew up playing video games with my siblings and it was the bomb. So if you’re a mom, (or a dad even tho you don’t make the actual rules, you just think you do) and you hate video games, stop it. Let your kids play and make lasting memories with their siblings or online gaming friends instead of staring at the tv and dealing with 2022 world issues. Trust me, they will benefit more from staying away from the news and half of these new shows they are watching on Netflix. This video game is just the break I needed from my RomCom book reading! Video game banter with old friends and new, beats thinking my husband is going to become a brain surgeon and whisk me away to Paris for Earth Day “just because” I said I felt like a croissant.

Cheers to Evony. 🥂🐉

#byecolleen🫣

It’s a boy

Let me just start by saying I really love my son. Like beyond words, he has always been the apple of my eye. The calm to my storm, anddd my favorite human to snuggle. His voice is calm and he always knew just the right thing to say. He is 9 1/2 and there is a definitely a shift going on.

It’s called, now I fucking get it. They are litcherally allllll the same. Every last one of them. Including my son! So for all the ladies reading this that were always wondering, what’s the magic age that guys sort of just become assholes, it’s between 9 and 10. Your perfect vision of “not my son” or of why your husband may be a tad bit flawed and blaming it on his mom, alll out the window. It’s just Men are from Mars Women are from Venus type real life shit.

I was trying to tell my 9 yr old about a play in the Mets game last night that he fell asleep watching in bed with my husband while I was busy cleaning the kitchen, prepping for the morning, and getting the girls to bed. When I was done with all my nightly duties, I moseyed into my room to find my darling 9yr old passed out. Being the amazing selfless mom I am, I carried him like a new bride to his bed and tucked him in so he wouldn’t wake. I then returned to bed and was just about to turn the tv off and Pete Alonso hit a homerun.

At breakfast this morning with my already grumpy 9yr old, I told him about it. Thinking he would be excited or crack a smile while eating his homemade French toast I made for him using his favorite cinnamon raisin bread. No, he proceeded to tell me he saw it, and it only brought in two runs. I then being a Woman frantically found my phone to prove his, know it all little boy ass wrong in a very motherly soft, but condescending tone. I read the headline which completely validates what I actually saw while he was tucked sweetly into his bed. He still disagrees.

I felt like I was having a discussion with my husband or any other guy who actually thinks he’s right when you know they are wrong and are showing them the actual facts. This is the beginning, I litcherally walked away and was all like, “I can’t even talk to you anymore.” Real tears were building up in my eyes. I couldn’t believe it, my first baby, he was talking back. 😫 I haven’t cried since my birthday. Actually that’s a lie, I watched this movie with the kids the other day called, DOG. It was really sad and I totally cried. Channing what’s his face is it, no clue. He’s so hot and is probably better off without a name. I’m sure he’s a know it all asshole too.

Point being. They are all the same. Even my poor precious gorgeous green eyed son. I will help him to realize it’s ok to be wrong and I will always apologize when I am wrong. Not sure it will make a difference but I’ll never stop trying. I get to love him for the rest of our lives. He’s definitely on my shit list today though hence a man hating post before 9am.

#dontblink #rememberwhenyouwerentanasshole 😫😫😫😫

Blah.

I need the beach. You ever realize when you’re in a funk sometimes you just need something to help clear your mind. I’ve always loved the beach. Especially growing up in Florida, it’s some of my best and earliest memories with my family. I crave it. I never could’ve imagined loving the beach as much as I do now in the off season. Seemed silly. Going to the beach to not get tan and lay in the sun, unheard of. Now I’m actually disappointed the off season is over, for a number of reasons. It’s definitely an eye opening, chapter closed, kind of feeling.

It’s kind of like closing a book and you wish you could un read it , just so you can re read it all over again for the first time, even though you know the ending, and it’s sad. So Friday will be my last day going to the off season beach. It won’t be super hot and I’ll sit in the sand or in “my office” if it’s avail. I’ll close my eyes and just breathe. Just like every Monday since September. By myself. Just me and the ocean. Actually I’m sure there will be people there on Friday. But, when I close my eyes, I’ll pretend that they aren’t actually there at all.

Memorial Day starts real summer beach season. Which I also love, but I’m not a huge fan of sharing one of my true loves, the ocean, with everyone. They litter, and pee, and listen to loud music, steal my shells, sit too close together, and smoke cigs. I could go on and on. I will get moderately and evenly tanned and remain sandy until September. I will bring the kids with me everyday and we will make memories that will last a lifetime. Seems like a pretty awesome trade off.

When all the world walks out on you because your water is no longer warm and the sand turns cold, I’ll still keep coming to see you. For it’s not you that needs me, its I who seeks you. Who the fuck knew I was so philosophical?! #justsayin

#justanotherdayattheoffice❤️